Jeremy Vine vs crap punctuation & grammar

GOOD THING: JEREMY VINE

If we were both single, I would probably marry Jeremy Vine. We've never spoken or met, but it I'm sure if we had he would agree with me. I've always had a thing for older men - especially older men who are fiercely intelligent, charming, possessed of a great sense of humour and blessed with the kind of voice that would melt chocolate. It's a bit like having a crush on a teacher (something I have also, inevitably, done) - because you fancy the teacher, your grades shoot up because you want to please them. Likewise, Jeremy Vine has ensured that my interest in and knowledge of current affairs has increased tenfold in the past couple of years. He's been in war zones, grilled top politcians and has also presented a TV show looking at and reviewing new books, which only helped to cement my affections for him. He also has great taste in music, rating Elvis Costello's 'Watching the Detectives' and Warren Zevon's 'Werewolves of London' as two of his favourite songs. I have a feeling you're supposed to outgrow celebrity crushes when you're about 15, but I'm quite happy at this time for Jeremy to be the 'other' man in my relationship. Especially while my fiance still has a crush on Natasha Kaplinski...

BAD THING: CRAP PUNCTUATION & GRAMMAR

I always did verywell on spelling tests, and have always been fairly rigid when it comes to spelling and grammar. Although it makes me sound about 48, I always email and text in 'proper' English, and never play it free and easy with the English language (you're going to be watching me for slip-ups now, I know.) I maintain that I am not as rabid as the Eats, Shoots and Leaves author, but bad spelling and grammar just irk me. There was a van outside my office yesterday belonging to a local building firm; the sign on the side said 'No job to small'. Now, that doesn't make any sense. I would be embarrassed to ride in that van. Greengrocers are also prime offenders when it comes to crap use of English - seeing 'cougettes' isn't unusual, or 'potatos'. And don't get me started on the wild use of plurals. Apparently, the plural of tomato is 'tomatos' or 'tomato's'. This goes for lots of other things too. When will people understand that you can't just stick an apostrophe in whenever you're unsure, and just because you think the word looks wrong?! The plural of CD is not CD's - it is not a thing belonging to the CD. Likewise, signs outside a nightclub advertising '80's' nights, and shops promoting '100's' of bargains are all completely galling to the grammar pedant. My primary school English teacher would be proud of me.